I think for my darling wife and myself the last year is not going to be remembered as a calendar year but from the point this time last year to this moment. Last year at this time Christina's work gave her the stark choice, lose your job at the beginning of what was then predicted to be the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression or move to suburban Houston, Texas. We took the full time possible to make that choice and the process had everything from anger to depression, worry about our marriage, worry about simply living.
The year is now over with the acceptance of our offer for a house in Houston. The end of this process is finally in sight, a home of our own with our planning requiring simply enough effort for Christina to remain employed and for myself to ensure that we are fed, clothed, sheltered and happy. We have agreed to not even think about further planning for another year. We're just going to move into this place and gently vegetate in the sunshine. You know those all-inclusive resorts with a pool, cocktails and island music? We're going to go with the approach of a year long resort.
In the last year there's been a lot to do. I have never sold a house before, and that, with multiple contractors and painters and documents was an enormous stress. Christina and I spent several weeks apart for the first time in our relationship, I drove 3000 miles with a "Check engine" light on. We both have had bouts of depression, times of anger. We had to buy a car and rent a house in two days in an unfamiliar city. I've been bitten by a snake, seen the Grand Canyon, felt the disappointment of a nearly-failed vacation (Puerto Vallarta) when a vacation was really necessarily. I've said goodbye to too many people, and hello to not nearly enough. Our dog Larry is recovering from his second surgery this year. I've spent time with family in enormously different circumstances and experienced everything from being swamped in social interaction to feeling utterly alone in the world. It's been a tough year for me, and there are billions of people in the world who would love to have a year like mine. I am a lucky man. My marriage is as strong as ever after having been tested, the sun is shining, and I have enough money in my pocket to celebrate with a nice beer.
The title of this post comes from the circumstances of the negotiations today. The house was listed at $189,500, we offered $180,000. This afternoon we learned that there was a counter-offer at $182,500. In the scheme of things that $2.500 was not really going to change our minds about buying the house. It was a very clever counter-offer in that it was small enough that it could be reasonably expected that someone who wanted to buy the house wouldn't balk at it. But Christina and myself decided that we thought no-one else had an offer on the table. With such a small difference in the counter-offer it seemed very likely that he would take the original offer but was just trying to get a little extra cash out of it. We thought we were in the stronger position and stuck to our offer,which was accepted. A semi-bluff worth an hour of thought, and a little nervousness. I've never made a gamble like that before with that amount of money, looking at the odds and making a read on a person's position and taking a risk. $2500 wasn't worth not getting the house, but we have the house and the money. I feel like a proper grown-up.
Home.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Oh My Fucking Lord!
Excuse my french, but it's nothing you haven't heard before. The following is to a link about happiness, and apparently I am happier than all of the wise who opined upon the subject.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Hello Everybody.
I hope that if you are here for interesting insight into philosophical matters you will scroll down. I particularly recommend the Death vs. Cheney post, I feel it has been under-appreciated.
This one is just a little insight into the wonderful world of me. I got up today at 6:45 am after going to bed about 11pm. Generally I need about 9 hours of sleep. It is now 1:45am in the morning, and I can feel my brain racing like a dedicated marathon runner trying to break through the wall.
I have debated religion and philosophy for several hours. I am so clever right now that my tomorrow self would simply admit defeat. That's not a joke.
You know when in movies they show the montage to explain a series of activities (good Ween song by the way)? That's me in regular time right now. It's lucky I don't have the access or desire for cocaine.
This one is just a little insight into the wonderful world of me. I got up today at 6:45 am after going to bed about 11pm. Generally I need about 9 hours of sleep. It is now 1:45am in the morning, and I can feel my brain racing like a dedicated marathon runner trying to break through the wall.
I have debated religion and philosophy for several hours. I am so clever right now that my tomorrow self would simply admit defeat. That's not a joke.
You know when in movies they show the montage to explain a series of activities (good Ween song by the way)? That's me in regular time right now. It's lucky I don't have the access or desire for cocaine.
We Are The Music Makers, And We Are The Dreamers Of The Dreams
"Snozberries? Who ever heard of a snozberry?"
"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dreams"
This is probably the only instance of a line from a film that I have consistently remembered through my life. It is from the great Willy Wonka, a film that also was part of the reason for one of the great moves in my life, out to Portland. While visiting Portland I saw this at the Bagdad Theatre with home crafted beer and pizza on a flawless April day. I felt that Portland was a place of music makers and dreamers of dreams, and Michigan (my home at the time) was a place of toilers and doers.
This dichotomy is exactly what the words are about, in the face of doubt and suspicion Willy Wonka responds with the core of his character, that because something isn't, it does not mean that it can't be. The words are actually from an ode by Arthur O'Shaughnessy which makes the point more clearly with each ensuing line.
I have been meaning to write a post based on this line over the last few weeks as it has reappeared to me over and over again. While walking in bright sunshine in the shadow of a volcano, while playing croquet on an English lawn, while walking maniacally under the shadow of enormous boulders. Socrates said an unexamined life is not worth living, but I think this is not true. I think for most people their character is such that acting from reflex, doing what is expected, doing your work and loving your family is indeed a worthwhile life. In truth, without such people nothing would ever get done, famine would ensue, buildings would collapse. These are the watchers of sit-coms, the ones who listen to pop music, the ones who sneer at thinking.
Those who do not need to examine their lives are in the majority, and seem to dominate life. The unthinking hordes who can hold George Bush up as the most and least popular president in history as a result of madmen committing mass-murder rather than anything he did. I remember my teenage years as a grey, oppressive time in which dull and serious people tried to force the necessary information into me so that I could become productive. The methods they used were fear and a lack of alternatives. Listen to the first third of Pink Floyd's The Wall to get the basic idea.
In this sort of situation the statement that "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams" is an enormous comfort. The most important word of the phrase is "We." Gene Wilder plays it perfectly in the film, a tiny little whispered message to all the children with dreams and the knowledge of magic that they are not alone. In fact, there is a great chain throughout history that you can feel a part of from Homer to Tim Burton. There have been thousands of great geniuses, and millions of lesser lights, throughout every culture in all times. All these people have been told to cut out their strange ideas, to do something productive, to stop wasting their lives.
This is essentially a childish way of being. The emphasis is on exploring, finding out, inventing, playing. The antithesis of being a dreamer is to settle down and start acting your age. But the whole origin of humanity as a unique species is down to the extension of childhood, neoteny. I am indeed quite childish, a typical teenager with my angst and my anger, my dreams and my fairytales, my railing against the oppression that others think is nothing. I think that's just the way I am, a bright, middle-aged child.
I am a part of a special group, without whom life would be a drab and pointless activity. Without those who understand what I am talking about, whose essential nature is to think what might be rather than what is, to create something new, and that a thought or dream isn't just a dream, humanity would be just beasts digging in the dirt. While I am not a particularly special part of this group, no star or leading light, I am indisputably a member of this group. This gives me great comfort when being stared at with horror and incomprehension because I am mad (and at those times I am probably mad.) When I rant about the emotion that pours from a song to someone who's just not into that sort of music I can feel part of a long history. When I feel my skin crawl with the need to do, to experience, to feel, it is a comfort to know I am not alone. When I feel the tears come to my eyes at something deeply sad, but still marvel in the pure beauty of the sadness, I can know that I am not the only one who has felt such things.
It is not better to be part of this group, just different. But I know for sure that I am one of the music makers, one of the dreamers of the dream.
"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dreams"
This is probably the only instance of a line from a film that I have consistently remembered through my life. It is from the great Willy Wonka, a film that also was part of the reason for one of the great moves in my life, out to Portland. While visiting Portland I saw this at the Bagdad Theatre with home crafted beer and pizza on a flawless April day. I felt that Portland was a place of music makers and dreamers of dreams, and Michigan (my home at the time) was a place of toilers and doers.
This dichotomy is exactly what the words are about, in the face of doubt and suspicion Willy Wonka responds with the core of his character, that because something isn't, it does not mean that it can't be. The words are actually from an ode by Arthur O'Shaughnessy which makes the point more clearly with each ensuing line.
I have been meaning to write a post based on this line over the last few weeks as it has reappeared to me over and over again. While walking in bright sunshine in the shadow of a volcano, while playing croquet on an English lawn, while walking maniacally under the shadow of enormous boulders. Socrates said an unexamined life is not worth living, but I think this is not true. I think for most people their character is such that acting from reflex, doing what is expected, doing your work and loving your family is indeed a worthwhile life. In truth, without such people nothing would ever get done, famine would ensue, buildings would collapse. These are the watchers of sit-coms, the ones who listen to pop music, the ones who sneer at thinking.
Those who do not need to examine their lives are in the majority, and seem to dominate life. The unthinking hordes who can hold George Bush up as the most and least popular president in history as a result of madmen committing mass-murder rather than anything he did. I remember my teenage years as a grey, oppressive time in which dull and serious people tried to force the necessary information into me so that I could become productive. The methods they used were fear and a lack of alternatives. Listen to the first third of Pink Floyd's The Wall to get the basic idea.
In this sort of situation the statement that "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams" is an enormous comfort. The most important word of the phrase is "We." Gene Wilder plays it perfectly in the film, a tiny little whispered message to all the children with dreams and the knowledge of magic that they are not alone. In fact, there is a great chain throughout history that you can feel a part of from Homer to Tim Burton. There have been thousands of great geniuses, and millions of lesser lights, throughout every culture in all times. All these people have been told to cut out their strange ideas, to do something productive, to stop wasting their lives.
This is essentially a childish way of being. The emphasis is on exploring, finding out, inventing, playing. The antithesis of being a dreamer is to settle down and start acting your age. But the whole origin of humanity as a unique species is down to the extension of childhood, neoteny. I am indeed quite childish, a typical teenager with my angst and my anger, my dreams and my fairytales, my railing against the oppression that others think is nothing. I think that's just the way I am, a bright, middle-aged child.
I am a part of a special group, without whom life would be a drab and pointless activity. Without those who understand what I am talking about, whose essential nature is to think what might be rather than what is, to create something new, and that a thought or dream isn't just a dream, humanity would be just beasts digging in the dirt. While I am not a particularly special part of this group, no star or leading light, I am indisputably a member of this group. This gives me great comfort when being stared at with horror and incomprehension because I am mad (and at those times I am probably mad.) When I rant about the emotion that pours from a song to someone who's just not into that sort of music I can feel part of a long history. When I feel my skin crawl with the need to do, to experience, to feel, it is a comfort to know I am not alone. When I feel the tears come to my eyes at something deeply sad, but still marvel in the pure beauty of the sadness, I can know that I am not the only one who has felt such things.
It is not better to be part of this group, just different. But I know for sure that I am one of the music makers, one of the dreamers of the dream.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Electric Society - Why All The Negativity?
Much of my interaction with people now is through the internet, particularly on forums. The most surprising thing to me about this format is how well it does at providing the necessary social interaction to feel pretty good. Before the internet I have had a couple of periods in which I had a similar number of friends as I do now that I could actually meet and talk to, that is none. During those times it was extremely lonely for me, which seemed a bit strange because two of my favorite activities have always been walking alone and reading a book, entirely solitary activities. However, while I feel the absence of something most people think is vital to a happy life, a group of friends to meet and talk to, this doesn't bear down on me in the way it has in the past.
Apparently typing to someone and getting a response, even if you don't know their real name, or even gender, fulfills something in the human psyche. I don't think it matters actually what the topic of conversation consists of, just that there is an interaction. Making a blog post doesn't have the same effect, because it is a one way process. It's interesting that playing music is similarly interactive, I can play the same thing by myself in a room or in front of a crowd, and it is the applause that really is the most enjoyable thing.
The forums that I visit are mostly sports forums. This is a result of the 2004 US Presidential elections. Before that point I was mostly interested in discussing the things that really matter, politics and philosophy and what we should do with the world. Upon the re-election of President Bush I found that all too depressing, the gulf between what we should be doing and what was actually happening was too vast, and immersed myself in the completely trivial world of sport.
One of the interesting things about the internet is what it tells you about people. For example, the major use of the internet is for pornography, this pornography is more popular in politically conservative areas than politically liberal areas, and that the rate of rapes decreases noticeably in areas that receive high speed internet. What this tells us is that basically everybody is really interested in sex, that this sex interest cannot be altered one bit by culture or religion, that denying this just makes the situation worse, and that when given a safe, private option people will take it over the dangerous, public option. In other words the best way to deal with sex is to give people all the legal access to it they want in a private place. The same is almost certainly true for drugs. I'm sure it's true for religion.
Second to pornography on the internet is the sport of arguing with people, and arguing with people about sport is probably close to the top of this area of interest. Don't believe me? At this Portland TrailBlazer Forum there have been about 625,000 topic postings in its' history, which is about ten years. That's 170 topic postings a day about one basketball team, and these are just the topic starters, without the replies. So, at this one site there has been an average of something like 1,000 opinions posted a day. NBA basketball has an eight month season, that's four months without any basketball played, and there are only games every three days during the season. I know of four other forums dedicated solely to this one team. If I had to guess I would say that there are 10,000 posted opinions per game on the internet. This is clearly a preposterous number of opinions about a basketball game.
Looking at the postings what you find is that it is precisely the arguing that makes up most of the posting. The level of viciousness that goes on is only matched by the level of arrogant stupidity that also take place. People who have never played an officiated game of basketball will consistently claim that the coach of the team, a person who has played professionally for more than a decade, coached multiple teams at the highest level, and been selected for a key management position in a several hundred million dollar operation by successful business people, is an idiot in some way with regards to his job. This a preposterous position to take, but I would say it is the largest single category of opinion expressed.
The overwhelming number of posts are in fact negative. This has been extremely interesting to me as the Portland Trailblazers have risen from being a bad team to a good team, and yet the proportion of negativity has not changed. It seems to me that the posting on the internet has almost nothing to do with the purported subject matter, but is actually an expression of personality. Just like hardcore pornography relieving the sexual tensions of people regardless of culture and religion and therefore cutting down on the rape numbers, I think online, anonymous arguing regardless of the subject is fulfilling a need for people.
One of the things to realize is that on these forums the overwhelming majority are men. Men communicate in order to solve problems. One of the basic function of men, what they have evolved to be, are solvers of problems. Without having an opinion on a problem, being able to express that opinion, men are shadows of themselves. This is why men are so much more pompous than women. But so much of modern life is about sublimating these opinions and conforming. At work if you are a low ranking employee your opinion doesn't matter. I'm sure we've all had the experience where we know how to improve a working situation but simply don't get listened to because of our job title. At church you are told what to think. At home the pressure is there not to upset your loved ones. Men just want to say what they really think sometimes, and the internet is an almost consequence free way of doing that.
The result is a deeply uncivil conversation with those of a differing point of view. It makes much of the discussion on the internet distasteful, but I think it is serving a purpose. Internet forums give people an outlet that has enough if a social stimulation to ward off loneliness, to feel more important, and to express their opinions, but also no-one really gets hurt as a result. Just like we'd all prefer weird uncle Tommy to be jacking off in a vinyl suit to disgusting pornography to him raping young women in the park, we'd actually all prefer ignorant, opinionated blowhards yelling on the internet to yelling at their loved ones.
Apparently typing to someone and getting a response, even if you don't know their real name, or even gender, fulfills something in the human psyche. I don't think it matters actually what the topic of conversation consists of, just that there is an interaction. Making a blog post doesn't have the same effect, because it is a one way process. It's interesting that playing music is similarly interactive, I can play the same thing by myself in a room or in front of a crowd, and it is the applause that really is the most enjoyable thing.
The forums that I visit are mostly sports forums. This is a result of the 2004 US Presidential elections. Before that point I was mostly interested in discussing the things that really matter, politics and philosophy and what we should do with the world. Upon the re-election of President Bush I found that all too depressing, the gulf between what we should be doing and what was actually happening was too vast, and immersed myself in the completely trivial world of sport.
One of the interesting things about the internet is what it tells you about people. For example, the major use of the internet is for pornography, this pornography is more popular in politically conservative areas than politically liberal areas, and that the rate of rapes decreases noticeably in areas that receive high speed internet. What this tells us is that basically everybody is really interested in sex, that this sex interest cannot be altered one bit by culture or religion, that denying this just makes the situation worse, and that when given a safe, private option people will take it over the dangerous, public option. In other words the best way to deal with sex is to give people all the legal access to it they want in a private place. The same is almost certainly true for drugs. I'm sure it's true for religion.
Second to pornography on the internet is the sport of arguing with people, and arguing with people about sport is probably close to the top of this area of interest. Don't believe me? At this Portland TrailBlazer Forum there have been about 625,000 topic postings in its' history, which is about ten years. That's 170 topic postings a day about one basketball team, and these are just the topic starters, without the replies. So, at this one site there has been an average of something like 1,000 opinions posted a day. NBA basketball has an eight month season, that's four months without any basketball played, and there are only games every three days during the season. I know of four other forums dedicated solely to this one team. If I had to guess I would say that there are 10,000 posted opinions per game on the internet. This is clearly a preposterous number of opinions about a basketball game.
Looking at the postings what you find is that it is precisely the arguing that makes up most of the posting. The level of viciousness that goes on is only matched by the level of arrogant stupidity that also take place. People who have never played an officiated game of basketball will consistently claim that the coach of the team, a person who has played professionally for more than a decade, coached multiple teams at the highest level, and been selected for a key management position in a several hundred million dollar operation by successful business people, is an idiot in some way with regards to his job. This a preposterous position to take, but I would say it is the largest single category of opinion expressed.
The overwhelming number of posts are in fact negative. This has been extremely interesting to me as the Portland Trailblazers have risen from being a bad team to a good team, and yet the proportion of negativity has not changed. It seems to me that the posting on the internet has almost nothing to do with the purported subject matter, but is actually an expression of personality. Just like hardcore pornography relieving the sexual tensions of people regardless of culture and religion and therefore cutting down on the rape numbers, I think online, anonymous arguing regardless of the subject is fulfilling a need for people.
One of the things to realize is that on these forums the overwhelming majority are men. Men communicate in order to solve problems. One of the basic function of men, what they have evolved to be, are solvers of problems. Without having an opinion on a problem, being able to express that opinion, men are shadows of themselves. This is why men are so much more pompous than women. But so much of modern life is about sublimating these opinions and conforming. At work if you are a low ranking employee your opinion doesn't matter. I'm sure we've all had the experience where we know how to improve a working situation but simply don't get listened to because of our job title. At church you are told what to think. At home the pressure is there not to upset your loved ones. Men just want to say what they really think sometimes, and the internet is an almost consequence free way of doing that.
The result is a deeply uncivil conversation with those of a differing point of view. It makes much of the discussion on the internet distasteful, but I think it is serving a purpose. Internet forums give people an outlet that has enough if a social stimulation to ward off loneliness, to feel more important, and to express their opinions, but also no-one really gets hurt as a result. Just like we'd all prefer weird uncle Tommy to be jacking off in a vinyl suit to disgusting pornography to him raping young women in the park, we'd actually all prefer ignorant, opinionated blowhards yelling on the internet to yelling at their loved ones.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Halloween.
Bookends. The first and the last day of the night.
The month has been dominated by difference, difference in attitude, experience, process. This post will be subject to the restrictions in information that my life entails. This is a good thing as most of the hurt that I have produced has been as a result of my honesty. A trait I share with my mother and mother in law. I commented to my wife that I was without doubt the mother in the relationship. I love the doggy even when he makes me miserable.
I have been sober for about three weeks this month, through a combination of gout, free will, arrogance and circumstances. The general result was six hours of sleep a night, an increase of musical ability, a surprisingly low interest in alcohol, blisters on my feet, a fascination with romance, unharnessed rage, inadequacy. But that was subjective, I was an excellent servant. I felt very young, an absolute teenager. This is not a good thing. But I did learn that I have learned to be that very earnest nature and still be kind. I am good at caring. But I am very bad at submitting.
I have not posted during this time, because I censor myself. I think that's a shame, but it's an act of love. I have, however thought of novels and essays, and short stories, and pieces of art, and shadows, and science and beauty and loss, and culture. I have written a thousand posts and several novels, I wish I could connect you directly with my brain. It's the sort of thing that frightens other people but I embrace.
I would like people to e-mail me. I feel a little lonely. But I am happy as I post that.
The month has been dominated by difference, difference in attitude, experience, process. This post will be subject to the restrictions in information that my life entails. This is a good thing as most of the hurt that I have produced has been as a result of my honesty. A trait I share with my mother and mother in law. I commented to my wife that I was without doubt the mother in the relationship. I love the doggy even when he makes me miserable.
I have been sober for about three weeks this month, through a combination of gout, free will, arrogance and circumstances. The general result was six hours of sleep a night, an increase of musical ability, a surprisingly low interest in alcohol, blisters on my feet, a fascination with romance, unharnessed rage, inadequacy. But that was subjective, I was an excellent servant. I felt very young, an absolute teenager. This is not a good thing. But I did learn that I have learned to be that very earnest nature and still be kind. I am good at caring. But I am very bad at submitting.
I have not posted during this time, because I censor myself. I think that's a shame, but it's an act of love. I have, however thought of novels and essays, and short stories, and pieces of art, and shadows, and science and beauty and loss, and culture. I have written a thousand posts and several novels, I wish I could connect you directly with my brain. It's the sort of thing that frightens other people but I embrace.
I would like people to e-mail me. I feel a little lonely. But I am happy as I post that.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Dick Cheney or Death?
I do much of my thinking that ends up in this blog while walking with the dog. I've always loved walking essentially alone, wandering and thinking. I was walking on a 95 degree, muggy day along side a dirty bayou while being slowly eaten alive by insects. The result was two possible blog topics, Death or Dick Cheney, and I've debated which to discuss since.
I thought about Dick Cheney because he has been a figure that fascinated me. The guy looks like a caricature of a villain, he is a curmudgeon, grumpy and surly. He has consistently searched for power and wealth throughout his life despite this clearly having a negative effect on his health. He clearly considers himself above the law, and someone who feels confident in making life and death decisions foe people. It is tempting to simply dismiss him as evil, but I think one of the great evils in humanity is the dismissing of other people with whom you disagree with such contemptuous terms. I think almost everyone in all of history sincerely thought they were on the side of good, but with their own definition of good.
I thought about death as a result of a series of recent events. One is the upcoming fortieth birthday that I will have his year, a benchmark date when I was growing up. Forty meant middle-aged, the start of the physical decline, but also the gravitas of adulthood, the end of creativity but also the peak time of authority. Forty when I was growing up was past halfway through your life, a time to start thinking about what you need to accomplish before you die. I also spent time with my parents, who are approaching their own milestones of seventy and retirement. They left me some inspiring words, said with real conviction, 'Who cares what anyone else thinks?" I also recently had a physical, which was generally pretty good for a fat, middle-aged guy, but still made me think about lifestyle and health. Then there was The Plan, mentioned in the previous blog post, that got me to thinking about life, and therefore to death.
Dick Cheney has dedicated his life to the accumulation of wealth and power, and then the application of that wealth and power to the advancement of the interests of people with a similar position. I thought that was the limit of his motivation, that he was largely amoral and used government as a tool rather than as the objective. But then he didn't go away once his term was over. Over the last few months he has campaigned for his controversial positions, and rather than taking his money and running, he has jeopardized his position by going against tradition and actively working against the present President (unlike George Bush). This seems to be part of a family effort as his daughter has been everywhere following a similar path. It seems that Dick Cheney was not using the fear of foreigners like Goebbels to amass power, he genuinely believes in this stuff.
It is not too long since I listened to the book The Things You Must Learn Before You Die. I outlined the points of that book in this blog, and it can be summed up as basically to just go do the things you feel you are supposed to do, even if it's risky. When thinking about The Plan, seeing my parents in their beautiful home thirty years older than I, having a physical I wondered about what I should do before I die, the big question. The result was that there was not anything that I felt I should do that I hadn't done in terms of type (travel, start a business, learn to paint, work with children etc.) that I needed to do before I die. If I got the six months to live news there wouldn't be anything new that I would have to do. I feel that I've had the experiences I should have, and it's just a question of spending the rest of my life stringing pleasant moments together one after the other.
To modern progressive liberals Dick Cheney seems evil, a guy prepared to do anything to amass dictatorial power. But I think what Dick Cheney is best described as is medieval. He believes that the general public, or the mob, is too stupid and ignorant to be allowed to run things for themselves (a position for which I have sympathy). He essentially believes in the aristocracy and the peasantry, that there are those who are fit to lead and those who will be ground down in their service. Cheney accumulates wealth for his family, and for families of people in similar positions, his friends (like the Bushes). In order to keep and enhance that position he is willing to fight wars, torture, imprison, misinform, and keep secret his activities. I think he believes his power is given to him by the same source as European royalty, by God.
I am not afraid of death, and I am not afraid of facing the fact of death and judging my life. Throughout most of history most people would not have reached the age I am now. Those who reached forty and beyond were the wise elders, those useful to humanity through their wisdom, experience and skills, rather than through their abilities to get things done or lead their tribe. I think the reason for the mid-life crisis is that the system in which human life evolved required a change of role at about this age. No longer is a man useful for his bravery, strength, virility and toil, but useful for what he can say, for his information. Anything from this point on is a bonus, and the quality of that bonus is as important as the quantity of that bonus. If I live as debauched a life as I presently do the odds are that I will enjoy my life and live until I'm eighty or older. If I change my life to one of health and purity the odds are that I will feel like I am missing out on things in life, but I will live until I'm a hundred or so. The pain of a body breaking down will be the same length in either case, perhaps shorter in the first. When faced with death at the mid-point of my life I can say I am content, as long as I don't care what anybody else thinks.
The mystery of what makes Dick Cheney is actually an encouraging story of the change in perception of large portions of humanity. Throughout all of history to within perhaps three hundred years there would have been no wonder at the actions of Dick Cheney. Every lord, lady, king, prince or doge, would have been recognizable in the actions of a man who accumulates power for himself and those like himself. There would have been no wonder in the dismissal in those with different beliefs as sub-human, evil people with demonic motivations. There would have been no confusion as to why he acted with suspicion and fear towards others, to why he would bend the rules to protect his position, why he obsessed on secret attacks and thought others were dedicated to ending the positions of him, his family, and his nation. That's the default position of rulers throughout all of history. Dick Cheney is simply a modern day Borgia, a relic of a past that is losing, slowly but surely disappearing.
I thought about Dick Cheney because he has been a figure that fascinated me. The guy looks like a caricature of a villain, he is a curmudgeon, grumpy and surly. He has consistently searched for power and wealth throughout his life despite this clearly having a negative effect on his health. He clearly considers himself above the law, and someone who feels confident in making life and death decisions foe people. It is tempting to simply dismiss him as evil, but I think one of the great evils in humanity is the dismissing of other people with whom you disagree with such contemptuous terms. I think almost everyone in all of history sincerely thought they were on the side of good, but with their own definition of good.
I thought about death as a result of a series of recent events. One is the upcoming fortieth birthday that I will have his year, a benchmark date when I was growing up. Forty meant middle-aged, the start of the physical decline, but also the gravitas of adulthood, the end of creativity but also the peak time of authority. Forty when I was growing up was past halfway through your life, a time to start thinking about what you need to accomplish before you die. I also spent time with my parents, who are approaching their own milestones of seventy and retirement. They left me some inspiring words, said with real conviction, 'Who cares what anyone else thinks?" I also recently had a physical, which was generally pretty good for a fat, middle-aged guy, but still made me think about lifestyle and health. Then there was The Plan, mentioned in the previous blog post, that got me to thinking about life, and therefore to death.
Dick Cheney has dedicated his life to the accumulation of wealth and power, and then the application of that wealth and power to the advancement of the interests of people with a similar position. I thought that was the limit of his motivation, that he was largely amoral and used government as a tool rather than as the objective. But then he didn't go away once his term was over. Over the last few months he has campaigned for his controversial positions, and rather than taking his money and running, he has jeopardized his position by going against tradition and actively working against the present President (unlike George Bush). This seems to be part of a family effort as his daughter has been everywhere following a similar path. It seems that Dick Cheney was not using the fear of foreigners like Goebbels to amass power, he genuinely believes in this stuff.
It is not too long since I listened to the book The Things You Must Learn Before You Die. I outlined the points of that book in this blog, and it can be summed up as basically to just go do the things you feel you are supposed to do, even if it's risky. When thinking about The Plan, seeing my parents in their beautiful home thirty years older than I, having a physical I wondered about what I should do before I die, the big question. The result was that there was not anything that I felt I should do that I hadn't done in terms of type (travel, start a business, learn to paint, work with children etc.) that I needed to do before I die. If I got the six months to live news there wouldn't be anything new that I would have to do. I feel that I've had the experiences I should have, and it's just a question of spending the rest of my life stringing pleasant moments together one after the other.
To modern progressive liberals Dick Cheney seems evil, a guy prepared to do anything to amass dictatorial power. But I think what Dick Cheney is best described as is medieval. He believes that the general public, or the mob, is too stupid and ignorant to be allowed to run things for themselves (a position for which I have sympathy). He essentially believes in the aristocracy and the peasantry, that there are those who are fit to lead and those who will be ground down in their service. Cheney accumulates wealth for his family, and for families of people in similar positions, his friends (like the Bushes). In order to keep and enhance that position he is willing to fight wars, torture, imprison, misinform, and keep secret his activities. I think he believes his power is given to him by the same source as European royalty, by God.
I am not afraid of death, and I am not afraid of facing the fact of death and judging my life. Throughout most of history most people would not have reached the age I am now. Those who reached forty and beyond were the wise elders, those useful to humanity through their wisdom, experience and skills, rather than through their abilities to get things done or lead their tribe. I think the reason for the mid-life crisis is that the system in which human life evolved required a change of role at about this age. No longer is a man useful for his bravery, strength, virility and toil, but useful for what he can say, for his information. Anything from this point on is a bonus, and the quality of that bonus is as important as the quantity of that bonus. If I live as debauched a life as I presently do the odds are that I will enjoy my life and live until I'm eighty or older. If I change my life to one of health and purity the odds are that I will feel like I am missing out on things in life, but I will live until I'm a hundred or so. The pain of a body breaking down will be the same length in either case, perhaps shorter in the first. When faced with death at the mid-point of my life I can say I am content, as long as I don't care what anybody else thinks.
The mystery of what makes Dick Cheney is actually an encouraging story of the change in perception of large portions of humanity. Throughout all of history to within perhaps three hundred years there would have been no wonder at the actions of Dick Cheney. Every lord, lady, king, prince or doge, would have been recognizable in the actions of a man who accumulates power for himself and those like himself. There would have been no wonder in the dismissal in those with different beliefs as sub-human, evil people with demonic motivations. There would have been no confusion as to why he acted with suspicion and fear towards others, to why he would bend the rules to protect his position, why he obsessed on secret attacks and thought others were dedicated to ending the positions of him, his family, and his nation. That's the default position of rulers throughout all of history. Dick Cheney is simply a modern day Borgia, a relic of a past that is losing, slowly but surely disappearing.
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