Christmas Present.

For the past few years Christina and I have donated to charity on behalf of our friends and family at Christmas. This first started through Heifer International when in a moment of interesting cultural zeitgeist various family members bought each other goats, ducks, oxen and such in third world countries. The reasons for this are pretty simple, we haven't lived within a thousand miles of any family members in years, everyone in our family has enough money to buy themselves what they want up to the level that they would get in a present, it feels at least as good to give charitably than to a relative somewhere else, and it takes a lot less effort.

We've taken this seriously over the years, generally increasing what we give (although perhaps not this year, which has been financially very poor for us) and thinking about it more than whether to give a goat or or a water buffalo. It's quite a good way to think about what is the greatest good that can be done, the most efficient use of resources to improve the human condition. Heifer International was very good because animals reproduce, and can be spread around the village, continuously increasing wealth. But this year I wanted to get deeper than that.

It seemed to me that the biggest problems in the world derive largely from two factors, too many people, and wealth not spread around evenly. Now, to reduce the problem of over-population we can either kill large numbers of people off, or stop producing them at the same rate. To spread the wealth around evenly we can either take it from the rich and give it to the poor, or enable the poor to become more wealthy. I know that the greater the educational level of women the lower the birth rate, the more educated the children, and the greater hopes for improved economy as a result. This is a feedback-loop, the best sort of change as it is self-reinforcing. The more women are educated, the more their offspring are educated. Increasing the education level of women in third world countries seems to me to be the most cost-effective method of solving problems because it has a knock-on effect in so many areas. Worried about Global Warming? Reducing the population is a solution requiring zero technological advancement. Worried about poverty? Increased skills for third world people diversifies their methods of getting wealth and improves their chances of competing in the global economy. Worried about war and hatred? Educating people to truly understand heir neighbors is the most effective method of preventing violence between groups.

It turns out that a cousin of Christina's is runs a non-governmental organization (NGO) in India. Named Video Volunteers, its' aim is to provide a voice to the poorest of the poor in India, to provide information, resources, opportunity to the Dalit (which has been known as the "Untouchable caste") and particularly women. We believe that such grass root organizations, directed by the people concerned, working for the goals of those concerned, and self-reinforcing, are the most effective methods for improving the world as a whole. We think through our Christmas present to them, on your behalf, the lives of dozens of people will be dramatically improved, and this improvement will be self-sustaining, a good deed that will live on for generation after generation.

We hope you like your present, and if you don't already give presents like this we hope you will consider doing so in the future.

Sunshine On The Water Looks So Lovely.

The weather in Houston has been unseasonably cold and grey, for winter. We've had about three weeks of grey skies, rain and temperatures in the forties and fifties. According to meterologists the average high in December in these parts is 74 degrees fahrenheit. But today the sun is out, although it is still a bit chilly, and I had the opportunity to see sunshine reflected off the bayou. It really is lovely. While I was happy to see the grey skies and feel the chill, wearing a sweater is quite pleasant, it doesn't take long before sunshine is welcome again.

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I think I post more often when things aren't going so well, thus the gap between posts. We now own a lovely new house, and are extravagantly buying furniture for it, mostly a new bedroom set. It is very nice to see my darling wife be excited by something, it was touch and go last week, but we went for a long bicycle ride and that helped us both. December is the difficult month for her at work, just a case of survival. Just a little stretch until we're sitting by the pool with a cocktail in the warm sunshine.

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The very first post on this blog was about language, about how so much of what people say doesn't make sense. In Houston at the moment you can find many vehicles with a bumper sticker saying, "Keep Christ in Christmas." I find this both amusing and alarming. Amusing because how would you take Christ out of Christmas? If there isn't Christ it's just a festival of lights, giving and celebration, just like there was when the fesival was appropriate by Christians. By definition, Christmas has Christ in it. Alarmed because what they really mean is keeping the omnipresence of their beliefs intact. So that every store, every house on every street, all the music that you hear, on every radio station, on signs on the street, literally everywhere is a reinforcement of Christianity. It is by its very nature, intolerant. The funny thing is that I have never been anywhere that could compare for the amount of Christmas stuff as here.

Amalgam.

The last few posts have been a discussion of last minute lethargy, fighting a cold and depression, a recurring fantasy plan for when I become disillusioned and hope for the next stage. My present mood is an amalgam of all these different issues, except the urge to purchase a gun and wild west it through the USA.

The cold is subsiding, but the last dregs are hanging on. The sad thing is that now my wife is sick so that I've gone from feeling crappy and mopey to spending my time with someone who feels crappy. It feels a bit as though the hits keep coming, none of them big enough to really give me an excuse to give up, just enough to keep knocking me down. The weather has been perfect for all of this, grey and wintry, we even had snow over the weekend.

The lessening of the grippe of the cold has meant (as I expected) a certain lightening of mood. This is excellent, a far more important aspect than fatigue and a sore throat. The death of the band that came about last week has resulted in me having no social interaction upon which I can depend (other than my wife, and she wants to lie under blankets with a book). I shall have to start again from scratch on my social life.

The new era is approaching rapidly. We close on the house on Thursday, and get the keys for Sunday. I will get to experience the totally surreal moment of having a piece of paper worth tens of thousands of dollars in my hand. The times that these have happened have always felt ludicrous, as though people must realize that all I have is a piece of paper with some words and numbers written on it. exchanging that for a house is extremely silly. As the close approaches the Lethargy intensifies, today's job was to switch over the utilities, a task requiring half-an-hour of phone calls that felt similar to the labours of Hercules.

Ah, but next week my major task will have been completed. I will have bought us a house. All that remains after that will be all the chores from one house, doubled, with the need to transport all the stuff from one house to the other.

A Cold

I have a cold. I am very lucky with my colds in that I rarely get much more in the way of symptoms than fatigue, and a tendency to get cold. This means that I feel just fine when lying under warm blankets. Having an excuse to lie under warm blankets for extended periods is a good thing.

The problem I have with colds is that the fatigue reduces my energy level, and my energy level is related to my mood. I become prone to depression. In fact, the beginning of this blog post was going to be that great lyric from Paul Simon's Sound of Silence,

Hello Darkness my old friend,
I've come to talk to you again.

However, I find myself looking at this from a distance. While I can feel almost an urge for sadness, a tendency towards tears, I can also see exactly why it is and designate this as "Unreal." It's as if I'm sitting in a room reading a nice book and there's someone sobbing in the next room. I know that in a couple of days these feelings will be gone and I'll feel better, it's just a cold.

Overall, what I am dealing with is the realization that I am in Texas for a semi-permanent period. We've signed papers to buy a house, there's no escaping this now. My reaction has been very interesting, I feel more like I felt when I was a teenager than I have in decades. I have a sense of powerlessness, but a knowledge that it is temporary. I have a sense of being very much alone, but I have reliable things to retreat into when alone. I fully expect that once we have moved into a our new home a new era will start, or at least an excuse to look for a new era.

Death of the Band

Today I made the decision to dissolve the band which I had started. The band had been an attempt to recreate the marvelous experience that I had with a Sam's Cross in Portland, Oregon. The music would be the same, the instruments similar, but within the understanding that a band is a construction made from the material of the people within it. I had hoped to gather together weekly with some nice people, play some music, and make some friends. After several months, most probably on St. Patrick's Day we could play our first show, and I could have that wonderful moment of making people happy by doing something I love.

So, what happened? Essentially what happened is that those who answered my ads could not sustain their interest or availability. A group of four of us had begun to play regularly on a Wednesday evening, and had got to the point where we could play a dozen songs, and were just beginning to be able to play two or three of them at a level that I would be happy for others to hear. Just at this point there started to be reasons for people to miss a practice, in fact a complete line-up has only been available once in the last two months. Then our whistle player announced she would be leaving town for several months in January (then December) for a job. Yesterday the guitar player decided that he didn't have the time for the band anymore.

A month ago I had put out an ad for more musicians, an attempt to fill out the sound of the band. A guy had answered, but he plays the guitar. In fact, only one person who did not play guitar or bass answered any of the ads. It seems as though music in Houston is formulaic, drums, bass and guitar, rock or country instruments. The chances of finding someone willing to learn something else, or playing something else with interest in this music seems slim. An Irish folk band with a bass and two guitars is not an Irish folk band.

The lack of knowledge of the music, the scarcity of musicians playing something not in the mainstream, the sheer distances that people have to drive in order to meet means the pickings are slim, and the rate at which people quit is high. Even in Portland I believe the band went through nearly twenty musicians before a steady group was formed. When faced with the choice of going through a series of people joining and quitting, playing the same songs with people learning them for the first time, for another year I decided that I simply wasn't adequately interested to do it.

Things might have been different if I had been making friends, but no great connection had been made. There hadn't been much discussion about anything other than the next song.

This doesn't mean that I am quitting music, I shall instead be concentrating on furthering my ability with the mandolin, pushing on through my book of Irish mandolin tunes, I'm about half way through. The plan is to be able to play all these tunes from memory, and then to take some lessons on theory and improvisation. Through this plan, at some point in the next two or three years I would hope to be someone who can walk into a pub and play a few tunes with irish folk musicians without embarrassment.

Perhaps next year I will try again with a band, but the way I feel at the moment I am emphasizing the temporary nature of my time in Texas. I have dreams and visions of living near a college town in the Carolinas sitting on a porch and playing wonderful folk music with good people.