Habits

If who you are is what you do then what makes up most of us are our habits. I define a habit as something you do without really thinking about it. I think most of us get up in the morning and go through a routine without deciding what to do at each step. We wander from step to step as we did the day before, without consciously deciding what we should do. Most of our lives are taken up with these habits, most of our lives happen without us thinking.

Having most of our lives happen without us thinking sounds alarming, but it needn't be. Thinking takes lots of effort, but mostly it takes attention. Most of the things that we do can be efficiently done without thinking. We don't need to consciously decide about how to get ready for work, or how to do the laundry as we have already developed efficient methods for doing these things. Many tasks are done more efficiently by our unconscious minds, such as driving. It is a good thing that we can develop strategies for dealing with things that happen every day without having to go through the "design" of those strategies each time.

The problem lies when we wish to change our lives. Habits are extremely difficult to break, and since they make up so much of our lives it becomes extremely difficult to change who yo are by changing what you do. I am often told that I could do all sorts of things, that I have huge potential, and that I should make use of this. I have pictures of myself as having written a novel, of being an accomplished musician, or perhaps becoming an artist in some other manner. I have the intellectual capability to do these things, the subjects interest me,and I either have the skills or could learn them if there was enough application on my part. In other words, in order to become a writer, artist or musician I have to habitually write, create, or practice playing music. This means that as part of my regular routine I have to take the steps to do these things without thinking.

How do you change your habits? This may seem facile, but what you do is repeatedly do the thing you wish to be a habit, and consciously try to stop the doing the habits you wish to end. For me that would mean routinely putting aside time every day to practice music or write and then filling that time with those activities rather than the competing habits (which would be going to the same internet forums to discuss in excruciating detail unimportant things). From my self-help research I have found out that the most effective method of creating this routine is to keep the idea of the habit in your head rather than concocting a grand plan with a schedule and outcomes (think of the success of those who join a gym on New Years Day and say they will go every day after work compared to those who try to consistently think about how to be healthier.)

I have been thinking of being a writer or a musician for several years now. When I think of the future and how I would like it to be there is always a vision of me playing good music in a pub, or of me producing an income from my imagination. I think of these things basically every day. Yet I find myself at this time writing less than I have done in years and practicing the mandolin less than I have done in years. I have not managed to make these two activities into habits despite repeated attempts, despite a pretty consistent conscious will towards these activities.

On the other hand I find myself time after time after time listening to he problems of other people, immersing myself in their difficulties, and helping them to find solutions. This is despite a conscious will on my part to stop doing this as it has damaged me in the past. It is as if I simply cannot help myself when faced with someone who wants to tell me a problem, and somehow people can tell this in me.

The most ancient and prevalent piece of ancient Greek wisdom was "Know thyself." This is as good today as it ever was back then, and the opportunities to do so are so much greater since we know so much more about people than we used to. Why is is that I must listen and help those who want to tell me about their problems, but cannot sit down every day and write for half an hour and practice the mandolin for half an hour? I must examine myself to find the answer. What I find is that I am not a toiler, not someone who puts out consistent amounts of effort. On some days I am extremely productive, getting vast amounts of things done. On other days I barely get out of bed and dress myself (and this isn't always negative, I often absolutely love those days). What produces effort in me is the confluence of energy and interest.

I still want to be able to play good music, but I think upon reflection that it will not be achieved through a rigorous routine, through habit. It will be achieved through goals and interests, through a desire to play a particular song, with or for someone. I think my recent reduction in practicing the mandolin is a result of discovering that none of the people I know or care about (with the exception of my old bandmates) have any interest in my ability to play at all. They like the idea that I can play music, but what the music is or how well I play is of no interest at all. To know myself is to know that I don't love practicing the mandolin, I don't have an innate love of playing music. What I have is a love of playing for, or with people.

With writing I have a love of ideas, expressing those ideas, and discussing those ideas. What I do not have is an innate love of the craft of writing. It is does not move me to craft a piece of writing over the course of weeks and months. The response to my writing is more important than the writing. What interests me personally is thinking about things, the writing seems to be a chore.

How to proceed? Well, I shall keep the thoughts and dreams in my head, and when the mood strikes me I shall move towards the goal. After all, I still have more than half my life ahead of me.