The Curious Nature of a Human.

The last time I talked socially with someone, that is while not conducting some sort of business, who was not my wife was in Portland just over four weeks ago, and a charming time it was. At the moment I am technically physiologically depressed. That is that my energy level is low, my motivation is low, I want lots of sleep and I don't do very much. I am in a sort of Limbo right now, I don't know where I will be living in a year and that decision has very little to do with me at all. I might be trying to get a job, or buying a house, or going to school, surrounded by friends or be this solitary.

In summary I am depressed, alone, in a place I dislike, and without any control over my future. However, I am quite far from being miserable. I am what people consider content. I find this very curious. How is it that in a situation that has these negatives I don't feel negative.

I think the first thing is that there are many positives in my situation. I love my wife, she is good to me, and she also seems surprisingly happy. As I have said before our happiness infects others, being happy is about the best thing you can do to make others happy. It may well be that all there is to a good relationship is two people being happy and caring that the other person is happy, creating a feedback loop. When this goes well there isn't a whole lot more of social interaction that a person needs.

I also don't have much to actively worry about, something quite unusual in this day and age. I think a large part of why I don't have things to worry about is because I have examined what is worth worrying about, and mostly what people worry about is a waste of time and emotional energy.

The final thing that keeps me content in such a situation is the chance to do nothing. Spiritual advisers from the East take note of what animals do when they are sick, which is nothing. Animals rest until they feel better. We humans of the Western World do not rest. With all our labor saving devices and our comforts, our efficiencies and our technology, we still spend more time than humans have every done in that most misery-inducing activity, work.

Work, when it comes down to it, is really getting up when we don't want to, going to a place we don't want to be, with people around us we don't choose, to spend more effort than we do on anything else in the fulfillment of the wishes of other people. Somehow this activity has come to be the most important part of people's lives. Most people spend more time on their work than on any other activity, more than raising children, more than on relationships. Most people prioritize their work above everything else.

Clearly an emphasis on work has some merit as it provides the money necessary to live. But I think it is also important to understand the cost.

On a day like today, where if I was working I would feel sick, hopeless, and exhausted, I am enormously grateful for my circumstances and the sacrifice that my wife makes.