Artistic Rollercoaster of Confidence

It's been an interesting week.

A week ago today I put some extra time into playing the mandolin, as I work towards achieving a dream. By the end of the second day I really felt that there was some hope that I was going to be able to play a particular song through from start to finish, although it was going to take time and work. This was important to me because the song is the Battle March Medley, and at times I have called it the greatest piece of music I know. Essentially if I can play my favorite song to a standard where it sounds good I will have reached an important milestone in becoming what I think is a real musician. I was very encouraged.

By day three I was writing about how happy I was that there was sunshine and I was happy.

Day four had me becoming extremely angry at imagined slights.

Day six had me listening to music through the most fabulous invention ever, MP3 and ear buds makes the greatest songs that have ever been produced play inside your head with essentially no physical clue as to the source. In this manner you can hear music as great artists hear it, simple the notes perfectly played inside your mind. Some of the music that I heard was so heart-wrenchingly beautiful that I despaired at ever being able to play anything that could be put in the same category. I was just a duffer, an amateur without much talent, someone whose performance was more like those of a children's play where any applause is the polite reaction to an incompetent trying hard.

Day seven had my mind slightly bruised, like a body after extreme physical exercise. I wanted boring and easy and uninspired. I knew that the previous week had simply been a case of my mental weather, moods like cold and warm fronts passing through the landscape of my consciousness. Even at the time I knew that anything I was feeling was simply temporary, that it too would pass, whether for good or ill.

Today I will pick up the mandolin again, but right now I have no idea if I can actually play it or whether it has all been some sort of sham.