Regression to the Mean

One of the things I have been increasingly noticing about myself is the consistency of my effort and interest with regard to some, probably most, activities.  I have my goals, the things that I would like to have done.  I categorize goals as something different than things I like doing, although not necessarily incompatible.  I would like to have obtained multiple graduate degrees but I would not have liked doing the things necessary to get those degrees.  I would like to have seen the Taj Mahal and I like traveling.

The things I like doing I consistently like doing, and the amount I like them remains pretty steady, and I do them about the same amount.  The goals I have are pretty much the same (until achieved) and I like working towards them about the same (other than the excitement at the beginning) and the amount I do them doesn't change much.

I'm not talking about there being no variation.  I don't do the same thing everyday.  I just mean that over a pretty long period the average of desire, interest and work remains about the same, and now the variation isn't large.  The variation in these things is less than it was when I had untreated bipolar disorder, but the average interest remains remarkably similar.  My earliest hopes were, "Now I can give consistent effort and achieve my goals!" but they have been unfulfilled.

For a long time, probably years, I have had the idea of a daily schedule that deals with my goals.  Something like;

7am - 8:30am    - walk dog
8:30am-9am      - meditate
9am-10am         - breakfast and newspaper
10am-11am       - study Spanish
11am-1pm         - household chores and lunch
1pm-2pm           - walk dog
2pm-3pm           - play music
3pm-4pm           - exercise
4pm-5pm           - free time
5pm-6pm           - make dinner (and eat it)
6pm-sleep          - free time

This is a little over eight hours a day, less than full time employees work (if you include just commuting, much less if you include chores).  It also includes some things that aren't difficult, like walking the dog, and other things scheduled for an hour that don't take an hour (like studying Spanish.)  It doesn't really include what my darling life considers my main job (brain care specialist, making things better by thinking).  This isn't too much work for me, I've done that amount for years before.

I have never written down the schedule before, or got close to doing it.  I don't have to do most of these things, and I simply don't want to do them everyday, so I don't.  What I did do is write down a chart to keep track of these goals.  If I worked on one of the goals that day I checked it off.  The reason for this is that research shows that the best way to achieve goals is to keep them in your mind rather than giving yourself a precise requirement.  A New Year's resolution to quit smoking usually fails.  Reminding yourself that at some point you want to quit smoking is more effective, "don't quit quitting."

The result?  I stopped filling out the chart after about ten days.  I do about the same amount of working towards my goals. 

Should I feel badly about this?  Am I a failure?  I can't see how it could do any good to think so unless that would make me work harder.  I don't think I do well at artificially inducing excitement in myself.  I don't do well at motivating myself through guilt.  So, I just conclude that part of who I am is how much I want, and how much I am prepared, to do to achieve these goals.  I think it is OK to be OK with who you are.

I want to put a caveat in here.  This doesn't mean that I think human beings cannot change (I am certain they can) it's just that over the relative short term (a few years) things like motivation, interest, guilt, happiness tend to regress to the mean.  I've still got my goals.  I still work towards them, but the amount I work towards them stays steady (and slow).