Latest Update

There has been a change in our situation.  My darling wife now works for a different company.  It's basically the same job as she used to do about three years ago, so not a promotion or anything furthering her career (other than the possibility of promotion) and there's a bit more money (or a very large amount of money if you are not fabulously wealthy like us) but not enough to make a dramatic change.  The commute takes an extra hour and a half (morning and evening combined).

This doesn't sound like much of a difference, and from these basic facts it may seem to be a negative move, but that is very, very far from the truth.  Christina had worked in a nightmare of an office, as I have outlined before.  In contrast Christina has found this office to be a wonderful, affirming place.  The difference is startling, and is best illustrated by the simple fact that she used to come home and tell me a list of negative stories.  Now she comes home and tells me that she really likes people, that people tell her she is good at her job, etc..

While I was certain that a new job would be a better environment I was worried about the commute.  Two hours a day in Houston rush hour traffic is a deeply unpleasant experience, somehow combining boredom and stress in large amounts.  I thought there was a decent chance that the improved office might well be offset by the horrible commute, and the extra time away from home (about 90 minutes a day.)  However, there is a bus, and not an ordinary bus.  There is a park-and-ride stop about ten minutes from our house from which Christina can ride a very spiffy bus (upholstered coach-like seats that recline, reading lights) that is entirely populated by professionals going to work, and it stops in front of her workplace.  In this environment there is no stress, she can read, play video games on her magic tablet, or zone out listening to music.  We believe that the bus ride might make help Christina's happiness more than not riding the bus because it is meditative, soothing.

My darling wife has now started taking yoga three times a week at lunch, with co-workers!  A combination of real exercise, improved posture/bio-mechanics (I expect the required frequency of her chiropractic appointments to be reduced), taking part in an activity with others, and more meditation is wonderful.  Furthermore, she looks forward to it and enjoys it. 

In short, my wife is happy!

How about me?  My life is largely unchanged except getting up even earlier (before 6am) and being alone at home an hour or two longer during the week.  On the other hand my wife is happy, and that makes me happier.  The only real adjustments I have had to make are a certain randomness about cooking (Christina's return time varies but not as much as how hungry she ends up being) and how to fill those extra hours.

I have wrestled with a few things about my situation since I stopped working, whether my worth is in what I accomplish or how much work I do, what seems to be an unfair distribution of work from my side, and so on.  My conclusions have been that basically, as long as my wife doesn't mind, I am happy, and I'm not hurting anyone then my situation is just fine.  When my darling wife convinced me (correctly) to leave my last job she told me that she was hiring me as her "personal brain care specialist."  This seems silly, and may have only been a ploy, but I took it seriously and am actually qualified to do it.  I believe I have talked elsewhere on this blog about the acme of social work is to eliminate your own position.  The perfect result of a brain care specialist is a happy person with the insight and skills to protect and maintain that happiness.  Christina might well be better at that than I am now.  Pretty much I have eliminated my position other than regular husband stuff.

More time alone, less work to be done, a happier wife, things are better for me.  I am happy in the same way as I was a few weeks ago, just a bit more.  The struggle I have is pretty much between guilt and self-indulgence.  I "should" spend my time writing, learning Spanish, playing music, improving myself, and I do some of this, but not very much.  I want to spend my time on vacation, sitting outside by the pool with a beer, beautifully stoned in the sunshine, with music and a book.  That's pretty much what I have decided I want to do, it doesn't really get old or boring.  The moral basis of this blog is that happiness is the highest good.  I am filling my extra time by doing what I want to do.

The Plan is still in effect.  We are chipping away at the things necessary to sell this house (hot water tank tomorrow) while the housing market steadily improves.  We'll rent a house closer to the city, in an older neighborhood that suits us better and we'll give Houston, TX a second try, but this time with the ability to leave on short notice.