I have a cold. I am very lucky with my colds in that I rarely get much more in the way of symptoms than fatigue, and a tendency to get cold. This means that I feel just fine when lying under warm blankets. Having an excuse to lie under warm blankets for extended periods is a good thing.
The problem I have with colds is that the fatigue reduces my energy level, and my energy level is related to my mood. I become prone to depression. In fact, the beginning of this blog post was going to be that great lyric from Paul Simon's Sound of Silence,
Hello Darkness my old friend,
I've come to talk to you again.
However, I find myself looking at this from a distance. While I can feel almost an urge for sadness, a tendency towards tears, I can also see exactly why it is and designate this as "Unreal." It's as if I'm sitting in a room reading a nice book and there's someone sobbing in the next room. I know that in a couple of days these feelings will be gone and I'll feel better, it's just a cold.
Overall, what I am dealing with is the realization that I am in Texas for a semi-permanent period. We've signed papers to buy a house, there's no escaping this now. My reaction has been very interesting, I feel more like I felt when I was a teenager than I have in decades. I have a sense of powerlessness, but a knowledge that it is temporary. I have a sense of being very much alone, but I have reliable things to retreat into when alone. I fully expect that once we have moved into a our new home a new era will start, or at least an excuse to look for a new era.
I've come to talk to you again.
However, I find myself looking at this from a distance. While I can feel almost an urge for sadness, a tendency towards tears, I can also see exactly why it is and designate this as "Unreal." It's as if I'm sitting in a room reading a nice book and there's someone sobbing in the next room. I know that in a couple of days these feelings will be gone and I'll feel better, it's just a cold.
Overall, what I am dealing with is the realization that I am in Texas for a semi-permanent period. We've signed papers to buy a house, there's no escaping this now. My reaction has been very interesting, I feel more like I felt when I was a teenager than I have in decades. I have a sense of powerlessness, but a knowledge that it is temporary. I have a sense of being very much alone, but I have reliable things to retreat into when alone. I fully expect that once we have moved into a our new home a new era will start, or at least an excuse to look for a new era.
2 comments:
sorry you're not feeling well, I hope it passes and the darkness stays at bay for a while longer.
love & hugs,
~e.
Thanks Em, it was a beautiful day today without much darkness. A little lonely to end the day, but you made it better.
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