Self-Review.

I spend most of my time alone. I practice with a band one evening a week, and other than that most of my interactions with people are store clerks or just with my wife. Yesterday evening was a nice exception as we spent some time with our neighbors. As a result of this I spend a fair amount of time most days on a computer, looking around for things to occupy my mind. I probably spend too much time on internet forums, but they do provide a real sense of interaction with people.

So, while trying to while away the hours one evening recently I started reading back through this blog. My main intention was to use it as a benchmark of where I was mentally a year or two years ago, to see how much I have changed and how. I ended up over the following couple of days reading the entire blog, every word and every comment.

What did I discover? The first thing is that I actually believe that this writing has had worth, which was a surprise. I had thought that this was largely me ranting somewhat incoherently, without much of a coherent position, and often cringingly whiny in nature. I actually was interested in what I had written and thought it made the points that I had wished to make rather well. As a series of essays I have read many worse attempts.

The second thing that I have discovered is that I have changed remarkably little during these years. The posts in the first few months could have been written in the last few weeks. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised by this, after all that's what a personality is, but subjectively I had thought that the last few years had been full of change and action in my life. I suppose I should trust my brother Peter's words a little more, "Wherever you go, you are still you."

The third thing that I have discovered is that more people than I had thought read this blog, not necessarily right away, and not for the reasons that I write it. I think the majority of the readers read this blog as a family or friends connection, for emotional reasons rather than intellectual reasons. I would actually be surprised if anyone had changed their positions about anything that I have written about as a result of my writing. But that's people. That's how they operate, based on emotional ties, family, friends, feelings. I also think that reading this blog is helpful for those who need a bit of adult conversation, whether surrounded by children all day long or surrounded by ignorant rednecks.

So, I was encouraged by this reading. It is nice to feel that I have been doing something worthwhile.