I have known for about 15 years that I am susceptible to episodes of major depression. I have had a couple of very severe times of depression and probably ten occasions of moserate depression. What is the difference? For me a good descriptor is that with moderate depression I can still taste food, while at its worse I have simply ingested fuel.
Last year for the first time in a situation of depression I went to a doctor (it was dumb for it to be my first time) and I was prescribed Lexapro a Selective Serotonin Re-Uptake Inhibitor (the same family of drugs as Prozac.) Within three hours of taking the first pill I felt an improvement, somehing I attributed to the placebo effect. However, as time went on my mood improved, I got more energy, I felt fantastic. Then, on the third day my energy increased so much that I couldn't sit still, my mind raced uncontrollably, and then I started getting panic attacks. So, I stopped taking it. The good news is that it seemed to bump me out of depression for a bit.
This weekend I stepped onto a scale, and was cruelly informed that lying around a lot and drinking beer will make you fat. I had put on about twelve pounds over the last year, mostly in the last couple of months. So, I started riding my bike more, even getting up in the deep, dark night to ride with my wife to her work and back. For some reason Don't Call Me Chrissy gets up before many people go to bed to go to work. I stopped drinking beer for a few days, drank water, glanced briefly at what was passing my lips before inhaling it like a rabid beast.
By the morning of the second day I felt great. Not just great, really great. The sort of great where you feel you have everything all figured out, you feel strong, healthy, intelligent, brave, and beautiful. I got a bunch of stuff done, made plans for the future, practiced the mandolin, I was happy and productive. By the morning of the third day I was up for the bike ride, then an hour walk with the dog, then a blog post, and faster, and faster, and faster. I became irritable, dogmatic, dismissive of others. I couldn't keep my hands still. I started about eight different projects, unable to get more than five minutes in to any of them. I couldn't decide what to eat, I ended up eating a bowl of cereal yesterday. I went to a bookstore to buy a book, usually the most relaxing thing I do. I left without a book as I was unable to make a decision. Suffice it to say, by the evening I was really hyperactive, literally bouncing up and down, talking rapidly and loudly. I was hypomanic.
Fortunately I drank a bunch of beer and didn't exercise today and I feel fine again. Anyway, from what I can tell I have Bipolar II Disorder, I may even see a doctor about it, because any medication with hangovers attached is far from ideal. There's a genetic component to this disease, so anyone genetically related tome who has some mood issues might want to check the following link out,
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/bipolar-disorder/complete-publication.shtml#pub4
The good news is that I lost five pounds in three days.
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3 comments:
Hi Dan,
I wonder if you'd like to see what my husband, Dave, has done to change his bipolar mind?
www.enjoyingyourhealth.com
Hope you find it interesting and even good!
Dianne
Hey, Dan.
I can relate to the immediate effects of anti-depressants. I usually feel better almost as soon as I pop the pill into my food hole.
I can also relate to exercise making you feel better.
To a layman like myself, your symptoms do sound like what I understand to be bipolar disorder. Doctors can fix that, you know. Why does everyone speak so poorly of drugs? They've done wonders for me! Recreationally and otherwise.
Anyway, a rambling post, but I want to express my support and wish you the very best in getting it figured out. You're a brave man in many ways.
Best of luck, always, dear friend.
Dade
Thanks to both of you. Diane, it is interesting that my father became allergic to flour, dairy products, alcohol, white meats etc.. I wonder if that is related. I have seen him change his entire diet as a result, and the effects on his mood were essentially nil, and the unpleasantness of such a restricted diet he really didn't like. One thing to remember is that I and he do not have straight bipolar disorder,my hypomanic times have only been compromising two times in my life, one from medications and then this last episode, both lasting no more than a day as a problem.
I want to point out that the reason I haven't done much about this is that generally I don't need to have something done about it. If I'm on an up, it feels good, I am very happy, and I still can get things done. The last time I felt bad I went to a doctor. I have in the past been able to control my mood through meditation, but I stopped doing that for the classic bipolar reason, I missed the excitement of intense moods.
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