Am I a Hypocrite?

I am fighting against being grumpy today, trying to stop a general feeling of things being unsatisfactory but without much that can be done about it.  This happens when my attention wanders to the area of what to do, and realizes that what there is to do are the same things that there were to do for the last eighteen months.  I can't practically do anything about that and therefore feeling bad about it is useless.  Still, not thinking about something that infuses your every moment is tricky.

Here comes the question in the title of this post, "Am I a hypocrite?"  What I mean is whether all of this stuff I write down is something I do, or just write about?  Do I do what I say?  When I find myself in the mental situation that I am in now do I meditate, shrink my time frame, look to do good things for other people, cultivate optimism, judge based on harm/happiness rather than societal rules, etc.?

I'll start off by saying that of course I am a hypocrite to an extent, just like pretty much anyone else.  Everyone I have ever met bends the truth, tells themselves little stories, judges others to a different standard than themselves, and so on.  I don't have a working, daily schedule in which I work at my happiness.  I repeatedly talk about the proven worth of meditation, but don't meditate frequently.  I don't regularly schedule giving and caring moments.  I can dwell on useless unpleasant moments from the past, and while I dislike it I often view myself from the point of view of the general public.  So, I am not living the life that I apparently advocate to any great extent.

On the other hand, I have spent quite a lot of time studying the subject of happiness, and have identified things that can help.  I use these things on an ongoing basis to help myself be happier.  The very fact that I am writing this blog and examining whether I am doing what I can to not be grumpy today means that I am applying this knowledge.  I am working to end the negative self-talk loop.  I am working to remove guilt whose source is an imagined general public, which disapproves of me.  I will try to meditate today, although I probably won't do it well, it is called meditation practice for a reason, and I am out of practice.

The things that I have said in this blog I actually do believe.  From time to time I go back through previous posts and have been struck by the consistency of my beliefs.  The suggestions and insights that I put forward I really do believe help with happiness, and I have used them myself to be happier.  It's just that I am an imperfect person, prone to procrastination and laziness, wary of schedules, and reluctant to do things because "I should."

I think my recent apathy is a combination of such a long period of sameness leading up to now and the oncoming period of big changes as we move from here.  Stuck between the mundanity of the past and the hope of a brilliant future is precisely the position that we need to get out of to be happy.  I am living now, not in the bit between the past and the future.

I feel better now.  I truly hope you have a wonderful day.