Depressed Today

This will be a crappy post to read.

For the first time in nearly two years I am very depressed.  I keep having to blow my nose because of the crying.  I feel like I am a useless parasite who is incapable of achieving the easiest things in life.  No thoughts of suicide, yay!

I have been trying to get someone to come fix another thing with the pool, (almost certainly my fault in the first place) but they didn't call me to set up a time on the correct day, the technician was rude to me when I called, set me up for the most inconvenient time (end of the day) and then didn't show up.  I've tried twice today to get any response from the company but they won't call.

My pharmacy was supposed to call me when they refill my prescription (I have unusual pills) but didn't. 

In the comment section below an interesting talk about redefining how we think about mental illness I was arguing with someone about whether medications actually work for mental illness.  Their position was that mental illness was based on how we are brought up and our environment, so changing lifestyle can fix it.  They have some data backing this up and so I wonder if they are right.  If they are right it means to me right now that I am depressed because of how I choose to live.  It's my fault.

I am, of course, terrified that this means the medication that was working so well for me has stopped working and so I am doomed to spend the rest of my life living as I was before the medication.

I am writing this post that isn't fun because I don't want to be secretive about my mental illness, there is no reason to be ashamed and talking about it helps, even a tiny bit, to make things easier for people like me.  I am also writing this so that the people who know my wife can give her some extra support at this time.  She is the only person who can really help me by showing that she cares, and in the same way that happiness spreads, misery does too.  I know from personal experience that trying to help mentally ill people is hard work emotionally, it takes a toll.  So please be nice to my wife while I can't give her what she deserves.

I will update people when I feel better, which I expect should happen by the end of this week.