Choosing to not be good.

I think most of us have a sense of what is a good person. Most people think a good person is kind, patient, understanding, compassionate. Someone who pulls their own weight and tries to improve the lives of those around them. We know what a good person is like, and most of us think that people should be good. So why aren't we?
I know what it is to be a good person and I know for a fact that I frequently am not a good person. I can be angry, impatient, I can hold people in contempt, I'm often lazy and often I simply don't want to care about those around me. I also know that if I put the effort in to become a better person I could be a better person. For a while, in order to ward off depression, I meditated daily and it had a profound effect on me. I became more patient, calmer, less cruel. I realized that if I continued this practice that over time these qualities would become such habits that they would be largely ingrained. As a result I made the decision to stop the practice. This seems horrific, deliberately deciding to be a worse person. My reasoning was the very things that made me a better person reduced the experience of me living. I phrase it in my mind as deciding not to live in a pleasant watercolor, but to live in a Shakespeare play. A choice of passion, drama, excitement over serenity.
I think all of us who aren't saints make such decisions, we decide to live as we want, we do things for ourselves rather than doing what is good. I have no idea if recognizing that in ourselves is a good thing or not.